#8 Calvary Christian

http://www.calvaryfamily.com/whatwebelieve.html

Today Rachel presented me with a CD she made titled "Sunday Mix." Last week I told her how every morning, listening to the coffeemaker bubble and music is what gets me up and going. Some days, mostly Sunday, I want "God music." The majority of what I've heard annoys me to no end, to be honest. It all sounds the same, so poppy, makes me want to discombobulate my eardrums with a screwdriver. I can manage about 10 seconds of the typical Christian radio stuff before grabbing the iPod and breathing a sigh of relief when my usual Nirvana, Metallica, and Led Zeppelin fill the room once again. Despite there being an AC/DC logo engraved on my soul (or more likely AD/HD) Rachel managed to find some decent stuff. Thanks to her, my reading material (Don Miller yay!) and music has become a lot more wholesome and enjoyable AT THE SAME TIME.

We both agreed the music at church visit #8, Calvary Christian Church, was the bla-est ever. But that's jumping ahead, back to the start. We arrived at our destination late, big surprise. When we walked into the modest building, a man asked if it was our first time and then led us to the service. He had a hand behind each of our backs, and informed us it was meet-and-greet time. I'm sure he felt me twitch.

This buildings interior was nice but in the opposite way of Fairfax Community. It was small and quaint. There were about 50 people in the congregation and I'm fairly certain Laura Ingalls Wilder was amongst them somewhere. This was the first church we've been to that was warm; so far they have all been chilly inside. According to Rachel this is done on purpose to keep people awake. The reason for this church being kept at high temperatures was obvious; it needed to be warm to keep the old folks alive. I would claim this “a grandparents’ church” except my grandparents could run circles around them, which is saying something considering my Grandpa is in leg braces. Throughout the sermon, jokes concerning hearing aids and the like would be made, and while everyone laughed and hooted Rachel and I would just look at each other and shrug.

Back to the music topic. All they had was a piano and a little bongo drum. This could be cool if done right, but as Rachel said, every song felt just a tad too slow. They all sounded exactly the same; I call them see saw songs. Because your voice goes up and down with each line. The last word of the first verse you go up, last word of the second you go down, and so on. On the bright side, this makes tuning out and thinking about the hole in your dress easy. Hole in dress...holy dress...for church...ha.

Before the sermon they had prayer time. Anyone in the congregation could chime in with their own prayer; the room was small enough and it was easy to hear everyone everywhere. Also, old people talk loud. They like to repeat themselves apparently, and ask God to forgive us all of our sins and heal Andrew's broken arm, even though the last guy just requested the same thing. In between each person there would be a long silent lull, and after prayer time there was more melodic piano music. I think I fell half asleep, because suddenly I heard the name Stephen King and opened my eyes to see Elmer Fudd’s big brother up on stage, introducing the sermon.

The man told us in his cartoon worthy voice that there are lots of different "kings" today. Hence the Stephen King reference, which immediately perked my mind up; along with Burger King and the King of Rock and Roll. Elmer then progressed into the lesson, "That's My King," focusing on Mark 11:1-11. Of course Jesus was the King discussed, being "The King of Kings." We learned how there were at least three kinds of people when Jesus rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday so long ago, and those three types still exist today. Group 1 is the Kingdom Hopefuls. They want something to get excited about; they want someone to lead them. Group 2 is the Church Goers. These guys are the "good" people. They have come to believe they can get into heaven on their own works and not by grace. They are proud and don’t like the radical Jesus guy; they saw him as a threat, a sandal-wearing radical hippie, loving everyone and shaking things up. (Hippie idea mine, not Elmer’s.) Group 3 are the Christ Followers. They acknowledge Jesus as Lord and Savior, the King come to save us. But even they fall away at times, wanting Jesus only when it’s comfortable. When things don’t go their way they turn away.

The sermon closed by Elmer asking us, who was our Jesus, our King? They showed a video which pretty much sums it up for me personally, as much as one could ever sum up something like that. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzqTFNfeDnE There’s the link, I encourage you to watch it. After this ended and we prayed, Elmer said, "Let's get pumped up for Jesus!" I bounced up out of my chair ready to sing grinning and off key, and was immediately disappointed by more plunkey un-rhythmic music. Oh well. I did like the singer guy, he reminded me of Louis Armstrong. Well, Louis Armstrong having a bad day thus singing a little too slow. During the (finally) last song, some guy offered us candy. Never take candy from a stranger...unless they have Sour Patch Kids, then by all means do. Gosh, get in the dirty van with the “free puppy” sign if Sour Patch Kids are involved. The nice old man who bought my approval with candy wins Favorite New Person of the Day.

This place felt like a family. There were plenty of apparent inside jokes and the pastor called everyone by first name. A lot of people smiled and said hello to us, and we were made to feel quite welcome. Despite not having arthritis, hernias, and massive nose hairs, I feel like we would be accepted easily enough if we wanted. But sorry small-town-wanna-be ‘ol chaps, while you enjoy your warm quiet sanctuary, Rachel and Sally must continue on. Next week that is. Now it’s time for sleep, begun with Pearl Jam lullabies. Thank you Lord for music with a beat, and for being the beat in my heart.